MOUNTAIN RUSHING GNAT MONUMENT DISCOVERED?

Martian archaeological drone teams under the watchful eye of Professor Wigwam de la Prairie, working in the great western reaches of the Central American Continent of Earth, as distinct from the Northern Continent and the Southern Continent (even though that Southern land mass is now an island, separated by several miles of water from the two upper land masses because, we think, a land bridge that once connected them is now awash in water oceans), continue to turn up fascinating artifacts from 21st Century American cultures. For genuflects, our drone teams have been uncovering teasing, unsubstantiated references to a great American presidential monument somewhere in the Wild West Regions which archaeologists have tentatively translated as “Mountain Rushing Gnat Monument”. Recently, Dr. de la Prairie uncovered and partially restored the artifact which is displayed above.

After much discussion we think this may be a partial rendering of that very Monument. The three faces (we had expected five—the fifth being the face of President E. Presley who was said to have been resurrected from the dead and elected to office sometime in the 21st Century, Earth Time) are without a doubt monumental, imposing and seemingly carved into adamantine material. We cannot determine which presidents’ faces were on the original Monument but the faces revealed in this striking artifact are all presidential and may, in their look alikeness, hint at the processes of cloning which were stirring in the Earthling eras of my interest. Even a scientist must be allowed his imagination. I would like to think that, maybe, one of the three heads represented here is the head of the resurrected Elvis.

And again, I must call my readers’ attentions to the primitive, Martian-like bodies to the right of the Monument, if indeed, it is a rendering of the Monument. Repeatedly, we Martian archaeologists come across these teasing connections between Earthling dwellings and our Martian bodies, but our Martian bodies don’t have Earthling DNA so the connection cannot be of the evolutionary nature that brought the human animal to perfection and then to extinction.

The things on the cheekbones of the Earthlings are called “glasses”, but they do not look anything like the glasses of liquid H2O that earthlings were known to drink from. Dr. de la Prairie in his paper, “Gulping Their Way To Hydration” (genuflect 223,002) has tried to suggest various ways that those facial decorations could be made to yield up liquid for human consumption, but I am not convinced.