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| Fig. 1 |
A recent
archaeological dig near Roma in the "boot" [human's named it after a type of shoe] of the Euro [or NATO] Continent which juts into the Medearthanian Sea unearthed the scanalogue [Fig.1]. The earthling is involved in a mysterious kind of activity with which
Martian archaeology, until recently, has been completely unfamiliar. His
facade expresses an angry intention, and he
brandishes the pointy thing as if he intends to skewer or harm someone.
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| Fig. 2 |
Archaeologists have
discovered only one other artifact of its kind in Earth digs.
[Fig.2] It's a fragment, not very well preserved, and includes the
mysterious language fragment, “F_DD_ _ _ _ _TH_ _OOF”. Some Martian archaeologists have suggested that it's an aberrant spelling of the phrase "Food On the Hoof". The
earthling in that fragment stands shoulder deep in what appears to
be a pile of highly-stylized Martian corpses. He also holds a thin
thing against a curvy thing while the digits of his left hand digitalize
the smaller end of the curvy instrument. The expression on his facade cannot
clearly be distinguished, but it's obvious that the humanoids in both artifacts are engaged in a similar activity.
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| Fig. 3 |
Recently, Professor Two Beds & a-Bath has put together in his paper, "Playing Big Time", several other artifacts which suggest enticing speculations. On the right [Fig.3] is a mysterious statue long ago uncovered in Ampersand on the Euro Continent about which Martian archaeologists have long debated. Now, Professor a-Bath, in his controversial paper, has brought together two additional scanalogues upon which to build his controversial hypothesis.
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| Fig. 4 |
The earthling
at left [Fig.4] brandishes what Dr. a-Bed thinks must be an archaic musical instrument used
by a subspecies of earthlings called “mobsters”
somewhere in a region called Chicago on the Continent of the GoodoldUSofA. The
word “mobsters” is a derivative of the word, “mob”, which means a large group of people. Another derivation from the same root is
the verb “to mob” which means to gather around in celebration. When
someone is “mobbed up”, Dr. a-Bed understands him to be joined with others in wild musical celebration of some sort.
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| Fig. 6 |
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| Fig. 5 |
Dr. a-Bath introduces two additional scanalogues [Figs.5 & 6] that seem to connect the statuary from Ampersand [Fig.3] with the man holding the musical instrument [Fig.4] and also the figure in Figure 1. Dr. a-Bath suggests that the instrument in Fig.4 must be some type of musical instrument employed in group celebrations while the tool being manipulated by the human in Fig.1 is some sort of food utensil because it is associated with the pile of Martian corpses in Fig.2. Though we have as yet to understand the connection between the ancient American peoples and modern Martians, the older fragment may show a member of the citizens of GoodolUSofA preparing to butcher and eat recently slain Martians with a tool similar to the “eating tool” of the central figure in Figure 2. A gruesome conclusion indeed!
The pile of Martians in the second picture reminds me of another artifact I've come across: a pile of beeffalos. Certain other "tribes" (another language bit meaning "group" or "mob") on the lower USofA Continent, below New England or Canadian Bacon (still much debate as to what that upper piece of land above the Good Old USofA was called), used to run after an animal called a beeffalo when they, for some as yet unexplained reason, ran over cliffs, much like another earth species, called lemmings, used to run into the great water regions of the Earth. Finally, the fact that we have no evidence that a female earthling ever employed said instrument is further proof that the tools in Fig.1 and Fig.2 are killing utensils since female Earthlings are not known to display “killing” behaviors unless "green with envy". Why would females be jealous of a Martian?
As for the instrument in Figure 4. Drawing on that GoodolUSofA communication medium, the “comic book”, Prof. a-Bath writes that he often sees the language fragment “rata tat tat” or some combination of similar language bits in “thought clouds” associated with the instrument pictured in Figure 4. [For explanation of “thought clouds” see “Disturbing Thoughts By Earthlings Toward Martians” in another post.] He concludes, with some certainty, that we must translate those “rata tat tat” language bits as referring to a musical beat or sound. Upon that, he rests his conclusion that the instrument in Figure1 is an eating or killing utensil for use against ancient Martian peoples while the instrument in Figure 4 is a musical instrument, perhaps used in some sort of ritual associated with the killing of ancient Martian peoples.
This fragmentary artifact represents a scene of decapitation just microseconds before what Earthlings called a U[P]O or flying cup holder (?) struck the neck of an unfortunate Earthling female. During this time period in 21st Century Earth history, many wild religious people, called Moosdomes, who wrapped their heads in towels and draped white tents over their bodies, were wandering the Earth globe in angry groups and practicing their art of cutting off heads. They called this travel, going on HeeHawd, a practice named, we believe, after a 20th Century GoodolUSofA TV show full of straw and human males in bib overalls and female humans in short shorts. Perhaps these Moosdomes learned their taking off of head practices from the flying cup holders. Or the influence could have moved the other way. An interesting side note: the word package for this reversing of influence is vice verses. We translate it to mean "poems about bad things" such as are found in the human's Bible, a widespread writing about forces in the Cosmos that Martians have yet to encounter.
Another kind of vice verses, discovered 25 genuflects in the past by Professor N. O. Brothel and described in his paper, "Making Mouth Noises Called Poetry in Early Earthling Cultures" (genuflect 235,009), was a kind of written art form called limerickeys. A fragment of limerickey uncovered on the floor of a house where female earthlings lived in small groups and who sometimes took male earthlings on professioinal tours "around the world" follows:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose [ ]ic[ ] [ ]as so l[ ]ng h[ ] [ ]oul[ ] suck [_ _].
[_ _] [_]aid wit[ ] a grin
[ ]s he wip[_ _] off his [_ _]in,
If my e[_ _] was a qu[_ _], I wou[_ _] f[ _ _ _] i[_]!
Another interesting side note: some earthlings believed that flying cup holders came from space regions beyond our Martian Solar System when, as a matter of fact, we Martians know perfectly well they were used as as objects to tie coat flaps together by huge Earthlings, called giants, nearly 100 genuflects before the human species altered into accidental existence. They were called buttons.
By the way, the alteration process was called evilution by a peculiar species of people who supposedly lived with their heads up the places where their waste products came from. The human species of earthling beings are most interesting and illogical. The species called monkey are more easily understood.
A recently discovered cache of photographs from the region of Chicago has yielded Martian science yet another mystery. We have no idea what we are looking at in this photo on the left, except that it is an Earthling female holding something in her hand with a smear on her lips. We have as yet not been able to translate the language units. One suggestion, by Dr. Paul Puptent, in his paper “American Harlots” (genuflect 200,879), is that this document may contain a pictorial satire of the “Mona Lisa smile” (photo on right), a much commented upon smile in 20th Century American pop culture. Movies were created based on that famous smile.
Dr.
High-rise Condo, suggests in his paper, “Hidden Colds in 20th Century
Art”, that during the period when these two artifacts were created, a
movie called, “The Da Vinci Cold” appeared in theaters worldwide. Da
Vinci was a renowned artist who also created the famous meat dish,
Bologna. Professor Condo suggests that Da Vinci must have suffered a horrendous cold about the time he was painting this figure.
Professor Condo believes that the Mona Lisa smile is the result of a
stuffed up nose and that the famous figure is caught in the middle of a
sniff, clearing her nose. Da Vinci, thus, was expressing his own
frustration with the cold he suffered from. The picture on the left
could be, according to Prof. Condo, an Earthling female who is achieving
some relief from her cold by using the red object held in her hand. The
final document (below) could suggest that if the Mona Lisa had had the
red object in her possession she’d be smiling too, from pure relief.
As for myself, I can see no difference between the smiles of the Mona Lisa before and after holding the red object in her hand. Thus, I must ask how Professor High-rise Condo’s interpretation could be true.
Our Martian mystery remains, as mysterious as the famous smile itself.
This just in!!! In the email as I was about ready to enter this post on my blog, I opened my mail and found the interesting fossil which I’m including below. We still haven’t gotten far enough in interpreting Earthling language to fully understand what we have in these artifacts.
Not too many genuflects ago, we Martians were at a loss to explain Earthling “thought balloon technology”. Now, after genuflects of research, we have been able to put together a conference of Martian linguists and automationists who have been able to not only discuss but also to duplicate Earthling thought balloons. There is much debate as to what use such technology was put. An even older, eye-looking communication form than thought balloon technology was the naval art of semifor, (which for some inexplicable reason means, as far as we can decipher, “"semi" one-half of "for”"). This earthling communication form employed flags and other signaling devices to visually communicate from one floating thing to another on the great water places of the Earth Globe. However, with the advent of long distance signal sending by electric and light pulses such as we ourselves use, Earthlings would no longer need to be within eye-looking of each other in order to communicate. So why did they continue to use thought balloons in their vitally important comic book communications? One question answered leads to another question. So it is with scientific endeavors.
As you can visionate in the photo on the right, many Martian scientists have emitted thought balloons of yellow colour in the press photo, still we are not able to decipher the symbols on those bright yellow balloons. For verisimilitude, linguists used Earthling symbology. The symbols were borrowed from a “yellow pages” book, a cryptology book in which number systems are matched up with other language symbols that we are still unable to decipher, and that is why the balloons are yellow, so it would seem.
I was quite proud to be in attendance and though you cannot see my beaming facade in the photo, I am there, hidden among my friends and colleagues, trying gamely to blow up a balloon thought or two of my own.
See you next posting,
He Who Towers
