EARTHLINGS AS COOKERS AND MUSICIANS

Fig. 1

A recent archaeological dig near Roma in the "boot" [human's named it after a type of shoe] of the Euro [or NATO] Continent which juts into the Medearthanian Sea unearthed the scanalogue [Fig.1]. The earthling is involved in a mysterious kind of activity with which Martian archaeology, until recently, has been completely unfamiliar. His facade expresses an angry intention, and he brandishes the pointy thing as if he intends to skewer or harm someone. 

Fig. 2

Archaeologists have discovered only one other artifact of its kind in Earth digs. [Fig.2] It's a fragment, not very well preserved, and includes the mysterious  language fragment, “F_DD_ _ _ _ _TH_ _OOF”. Some Martian archaeologists have suggested that it's an aberrant spelling of the phrase "Food On the Hoof". The earthling in that fragment stands shoulder deep in what appears to be a pile of highly-stylized Martian corpses. He also holds a thin thing against a curvy thing while the digits of his left hand digitalize the smaller end of the curvy instrument. The expression on his facade cannot clearly be distinguished, but it's obvious that the humanoids in both artifacts are engaged in a similar activity.

Fig. 3

Recently, Professor Two Beds & a-Bath has put together in his paper, "Playing Big Time", several other artifacts which suggest enticing speculations. On the right [Fig.3] is a mysterious statue long ago uncovered in Ampersand on the Euro Continent about which Martian archaeologists have long debated. Now, Professor a-Bath, in his controversial paper, has brought together two additional scanalogues upon which to build his controversial hypothesis.

Fig. 4

The earthling at left [Fig.4] brandishes what Dr. a-Bed thinks must be an archaic musical instrument used by a subspecies of earthlings called “mobsters” somewhere in a region called Chicago on the Continent of the GoodoldUSofA. The word “mobsters” is a derivative of the word, “mob”, which means a large group of people. Another derivation from the same root is the verb “to mob” which means to gather around in celebration. When someone is “mobbed up”, Dr. a-Bed understands him to be joined with others in wild musical celebration of some sort.

Fig. 6

Fig. 5

Dr. a-Bath introduces two additional scanalogues [Figs.5 & 6] that seem to connect the statuary from Ampersand [Fig.3] with the man holding the musical instrument [Fig.4] and also the figure in Figure 1. Dr. a-Bath suggests that the instrument in Fig.4 must be some type of musical instrument employed in group celebrations while the tool being manipulated by the human in Fig.1 is some sort of food utensil because it is associated with the pile of Martian corpses in Fig.2. Though we have as yet to understand the connection between the ancient American peoples and modern Martians, the older fragment may show a member of the citizens of GoodolUSofA preparing to butcher and eat recently slain Martians with a tool similar to the “eating tool” of the central figure in Figure 2. A gruesome conclusion indeed!

The pile of Martians in the second picture reminds me of another artifact I've come across: a pile of beeffalos. Certain other "tribes" (another language bit meaning "group" or "mob") on the lower USofA Continent, below New England or Canadian Bacon (still much debate as to what that upper piece of land above the Good Old USofA was called), used to run after an animal called a beeffalo when they, for some as yet unexplained reason, ran over cliffs, much like another earth species, called lemmings, used to run into the great water regions of the Earth. Finally, the fact that we have no evidence that a female earthling ever employed said instrument is further proof that the tools in Fig.1 and Fig.2 are killing utensils since female Earthlings are not known to display “killing” behaviors unless "green with envy". Why would females be jealous of a Martian?

As for the instrument in Figure 4. Drawing on that GoodolUSofA communication medium, the “comic book”, Prof. a-Bath writes that he often sees the language fragment “rata tat tat” or some combination of similar language bits in “thought clouds” associated with the instrument pictured in Figure 4. [For explanation of “thought clouds” see “Disturbing Thoughts By Earthlings Toward Martians” in another post.] He concludes, with some certainty, that we must translate those “rata tat tat” language bits as referring to a musical beat or sound. Upon that, he rests his conclusion that the instrument in Figure1 is an eating or killing utensil for use against ancient Martian peoples while the instrument in Figure 4 is a musical instrument, perhaps used in some sort of ritual associated with the killing of ancient Martian peoples.